Everyone’s sexual tastes are different, but we can all agree that sometimes it’s those indefinable qualities which make a person all the more irresistible. Although these memorable movie characters really push the boundaries of ‘indefinable qualities’, it’s hard to deny that there isn’t something sexy about some of these cyborgs, aliens and, yes, cartoons.
10. Triple Breasted Hooker – Total Recall
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EiylTqSAiaM
Pulpy sci-fi classic Total Recall sees Arnold Schwarzenegger travel to Mars for a vacation. Unfortunately, the governor of the planet is fighting a civil war with rebels, so Arnie has to turn to Rekall – a company that implants fake memories – for his dream holiday. He opts for the ‘secret agent’ package, where he hopes to become the saviour of Mars. However, when it is discovered that he actually is a secret agent with suppressed memories, he decides to actually head to Mars and free the mutant rebels. Whilst there, he befriends red-light district workers who include a midget with an uzi and a three breasted hooker played by Lycia Naff. Despite her short screen time, the sight of her triple whammies has become the most iconic scene from the movie. We only wish we had three hands.
9. Satanico Pandemonium – From Dusk Till Dawn Series
Born in Mexico in 1894, Esmeralda was the town’s hangman’s daughter. Like all good teenagers who rebel against their abusive parents, Esmeralda soon fell for the local outlaw who escaped the gallows. The two went on the run to the local brothel which unfortunately turned out to be run by vampires. As luck would have it, Esmeralda’s mother and grandmother are ancient vampires and turn her into a beast of the night. Over the next 500 years, she hones her dancing and snake-charming skills to become the Queen of the vampires. The character has been played by three different actresses thanks to straight to DVD sequels and a recent TV series, but Salma Hayek’s performance in the original movie – even when she transforms into a reptilian looking vampire and starts tearing out throats with her teeth – is still by far the sexiest.
8. Dren – Splice
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EM-ADxcts-Y
Splice stars Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley as a young scientist couple, Clive and Elsa, who are hope for fame and glory by slicing the DNA of animals together to create hybrids available for medical study. However, when they plan to splice human DNA they are promptly shut down. Not willing to be stopped, they continue their research in private and create a strangely alluring human hybrid named Dren (played by Delphine Chanéac). Elsa develops a strong maternal bond with Dren, despite displaying a high aggressive nature to outsiders. Clive goes the other route and the two become lovers after she seduces him. At the end of the movie, Dren goes on a minor killing spree, develops gills to breathe underwater, has retractable wings and changes sex in order to reproduce. Take away her carnivorous tendencies and she might just be the perfect date.
7. Grendel’s Mother – Beowulf
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4Na4xDGqQo&t=6s
In 2007, Robert Zemeckis brought us the groundbreaking visual feast that was Beowulf. Ray Winstone takes the lead role as the legendary warrior who travels to Denmark to slay the terrible monster Grendel who is attacking the local townsfolk. After killing the beast, Grendel’s Mother takes revenge and slaughters Beowulf’s men, forcing him to track her down in her cave. It is here that we first see Grendel’s Mother, the last of the Water Demons, taking the form of the seductive (if slightly golden) Angelina Jolie. She makes a deal with Beowulf – if he gives her a child and spares her life, he will become the greatest King to ever live. He jumps at the chance and heads back to tell of his supposed victory but, like all Old English epic poems, all’s well does not end well. Brought to life by remarkable motion capture technology, Jolie proves that she’s still one of Hollywood’s sexiest actresses even when she is computer generated.
6. Borg Queen – Star Trek: First Contact
The Borg are a collection of species who have been turned into cybernetic organisms through a process of assimilation, forcing them to function as drones to a hive mind known as The Collective. Their ultimate goal is to achieve perfection and they often utter the iconic phrase “resistance is futile” as they go about their goal. First Contact saw the introduction of the Borg Queen, the quasi-leader of the cyborg army. Whilst her soldiers show no emotion, the Queen is completely ruthless and tactile – she even manages to force Captain Picard into her ranks for a short while. Brought to life by actress Alice Krige (and a lot of prosthetics), assimilation has never looked so alluring.
5. T-X – Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRkqcPXNL3E
After battling the fearsome T-800 and the threatening T-1000, it was time for the Connor family to face their greatest foe yet. In the third instalment of the sci-fi franchise, the T-X is sent back in time to kill John Connor’s allies to stop him from establishing the human resistance after Judgement Day inevitably occurs. Unlike previous models, the T-X is the most technologically advanced – it is able able to shapeshift, have fully functioning weapons and is nearly indestructible. Of course the most obvious difference is the switch in gender as actress and model Kristanna Loken steps into the role. WIth boobs that can change size at will, it’s no wonder the film grossed nearly $500 million.
4. Laurie – Trick ‘r Treat
Comedy-horror anthology Trick ‘r Treat is set in a small town on Halloween and tells six short stories all loosely tied together. The best entry, titled ‘Surprise Party’, stars Anna Paquin as the extremely shy and self-conscious Laurie – a 22 year old virgin who is attending a party in the woods provided she finds a date. Unfortunately for her, on her lonesome way to the party she is attacked by a mysterious man with a cape who tries to kill her. Suddenly it is revealed Laurie and the girls aren’t all they cracked up to be: they are actually werewolves and her virginity signifies the fact that she has never killed before. She turns on the caped man as she and her friends proceed to shed their skin and kill the rest of their dates. This isn’t exactly what we had in mind when we thought of being devoured by Paquin, but we’ll take it.
3. Sil – Species
After receiving transmissions from space on how to achieve endless fuel, scientists assume they are dealing with a friendly alien race and heed their instructions on how to splice human and alien DNA. A top secret government lab goes forward with their genetic experiments and produce Sil, who looks like a normal human girl but ages at a rapid rate – developing into a 12 year old in less than 3 months. After violent outbursts, the scientists try to kill her but she makes a daring escape and soon transforms into an adult, portrayed by Canadian bombshell Natasha Henstridge. Sil has one objective, to reproduce, and with her superhuman strength and speed, she won’t let anything step in her way. Despite a slightly less attractive alien form, this is one alien we’d be happy to help complete her mission – humanity be damned.
2. Neytiri – Avatar
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-mYK2_XLP8
After being absent from cinema for many years, James Cameron released epic sci-fi Avatar onto the world in 2009. When human beings have depleted Earth’s resources in the near future, mankind plans to harvest a valuable mineral found on the densely forested moon of Pandora. The indigenous Na’vi inhabit the land and to explore the planet, scientists have created a human-Na’vi hybrid which can be operated by humans, called ‘avatars’. Neytiri, the daughter of the leader of the Na’vi clan, is brought to life by Zoe Saldana and motion capture wizardry. Despite being 9 ft tall, blue skinned and only reproducing via nerve endings in their hair, many fans have developed a fetish for the Na’vi aliens and there’s even a surprisingly po-faced Avatar porn parody – but then that’s nothing new for the Internet.
1. Jessica Rabbit – Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
Who Framed Roger Rabbit? is a live-action-animated-comedy depicting a world in which ‘toons live side by side with humans. The movie was the first time in history that Disney collaborated with Warner Bros. giving audiences the team up of the century when Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny appeared together on screen. After being framed for murder, our titular rabbit hero enlists the help of a PI along with his ever-attractive girlfriend, the insatiable Jessica Rabbit, to help clear his name. Her most quoted line “I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way” rings true when you realise that animators included a range of hidden (and more adult themed) easter eggs in several blink and you’ll miss it scenes. With a voice provided by an uncredited Kathleen Turner and a body and seductive personality that puts Catherine Tramell to shame, it’s no wonder Jessica Rabbit has been consistently nominated as one of the top 100 sexiest characters in movies of all time.
